Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
