sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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