The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
