how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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