I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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