there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize