Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
