You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
