I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
