I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
