had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
