tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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