Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
