He is an equal opportunity slut.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
