thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
