Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
