fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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