I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we're so committed to being not committed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
