I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
