I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
