the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize