Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
