bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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