I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize