I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
