can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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