why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
