I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
