My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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