I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
