Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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