Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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