Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
