i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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