Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
