he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
