yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
