sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
