You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
