I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
