He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
