I hate your face
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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