he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
