Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
