Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
