I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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