you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
