actually, I'm a sock model
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
