You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
