we have pet lesbian snakes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
