is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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