Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
