happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
