did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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