i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
