I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i came on her dog
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
