I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
