her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
