Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
