just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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