I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
