I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
