I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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