I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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