that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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