I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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