You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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