she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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